His Imperial Majesty Alexander IV, may the Almighty God bless his reign, gave Imperial Assent to an Act of Senate proposed by HIH Grand Prince Jaroslav Aleksandrovych, which declares vodka the national drink of the Empire, makes its consumption compulsory and bans sober driving.
The Act is motivated by the words of St Prince Volodymyr the Drunkard, quoted saying that "drinking is the joy of Rus'", and goes in line with a similar act passed in 2014 in the then Grand Principality of Pavlov.
According to the provisions of the Act, all Pavlovian subjects above the compulsory drinking age will be in obligation to consume at least 200 g. of vodka on a daily basis, while sober driving, defined as operating motor vehicles while having a blood alcohol content fewer than 0.10%, will be prohibited in the entirety of the Empire. Violators of the Act may have their subjectship withdrawn at the discretion of the Monarch.
The State Gazette approached HIH Grand Prince Jaroslav Aleksandrovych with a request to comment on his reasons for proposing the Act. "Together with St Prince Volodymyr the Drunkard — the patron saint of drunks and the biggest drunk of all — today we exclaim: Drinking is the joy of Rus'! Alcohol is part of our national identity, and alcoholism is our national idea. Let it be clear for everyone that there is no Pavlov without alcohol, and no true Pavlovian would even consider refraining from drinking for a day. As we say in Pavlov, a bottle a day keeps the doctor away" — said the Grand Prince.
Dr Serhoş Këpucar from the Department of Alcosociology in the Pavlovian Academy of St Ahmed the Calligrapher was unable to comment on the number of traffic accidents on Pavlovian roads attributed to sober driving.